Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight

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(916): View more from California

I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.

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(347): View more from New York

Moan for me like Helen Keller

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(408): View more from California

every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.

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(956): View more from Texas

while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"

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(606): View more from Kentucky

You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?

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