Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
