WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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