hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
