I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
