love makes seman taste better
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
false alarm, still single
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