the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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