He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How does it feel to date your dad?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
