you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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