She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
