Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
