You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
