guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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