i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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