you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
