As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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