she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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