I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
