two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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