They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
