i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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