she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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