i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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