The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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