My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
