btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
