The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
