found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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