It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
