I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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