Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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