im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We don't watch enough power rangers
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
