Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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