everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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