I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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