having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
