He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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