so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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