see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
