Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
