did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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