Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
