so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
