How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
