Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize