I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wear drunk well.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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