i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
