The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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