They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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