I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
