Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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