it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
