Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
