Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're too hungover to prance.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
