Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
