There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
