what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
