just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
