The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
