I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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