I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize