im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
