I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's the barista slut.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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