people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
