I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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