well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just invented taco cereal.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
