i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize