They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
