Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she woke up with a sticky ear
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
