I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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