Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
