i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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